Open Forum Refuge

poor dad is screwed up, weak and cannot cook for himself anymore. it happened in the course of three days.

and now i get multiple confused disoriented calls per day.

hopefully i can get some in home help set up asap. as in monday.

i've already screwed up my back probably due to stress.

When they go this quickly you need to be with him, he could just walk away, or leave the gas range on, and blow up the house.

Tomorrow get a notarized general power of attorney naming you as his attorney in fact (agent). Living will, and advanced directive also.

Get him in an Alzheimer's home with hot, young Filipino caretakers. It will help both of you. In your neck of the woods, a one bedroom, no shared bath should be $4,000-$6,000 a month.

I'm visiting daily at this point. I think we're going to try for an in-home caregiver.

he can't walk far, just to the bathroom.

taking off right now actually. gbye

3 day deterioration = strove.

The in home caretakers tend to be a little nutty. They have no other life, because they live 24/7 with the patient. They can get between $7,000 -$9,000 a month.

If that's the route you go, get his valuables, including his will, out of the house.

adamlaneus wrote:I'm visiting daily at this point. I think we're going to try for an in-home caregiver.

he can't walk far, just to the bathroom.

taking off right now actually. gbye

Medicare should pay for in-home hospice care.

i dunno if we're at hospice yet, that requires a doctor's evaluation.

He's been wasting for quite some time and he was clearly going to get to the point where he was no longer mobile enough to cook for himself in the kitchen. We have arrived at that point.

There is a family across the street that has been very helpful and they have a line on some reliable in home care, a family member of theirs I believe. So I guess we'll explore that route, much more trustable than the Elmo you'll get if you walk in cold somewhere. We did that once and were horrified at who came over.


I installed some "X10" home automation in that house long ago and it chose last night to fail in a way that really freaked poor dad out. Lights just going on and off, no control at all. I inspected the device and yep, it's a piece of crap. I've never seen such failures in electrical gear...X10 home automation takes last place. I've put this stuff into my house years ago and regret it mightily, each time I have to extract a malfunctioning piece of crap that I installed into the wall or ceiling.

Elmo i could probably whine pretty good if i wanted to

i usually just keep it to myself

perhaps i should take more advantage of rollos forum in the near future

Sorry to hear this Adam. Watching parents age is never a good time.

The best to you and your father.

seen people I loved go down fast and it never is easy seeing family going down that way

Sorry to hear-here comrade adam. Good luck. Smoe good advice here-hear.

Just went through 5 years of living hell with my mom dying from dementia.

The small assisted living facilities are superior to the larger institutional settings, and usually cheaper, and obviously more personal. In SoCal the small ones are one story, single family residences, and accommodate no more than 6 patients. If he can afford it try to get the master bedroom for him. Obviously the largest room and a more luxurious feeling. For a fee they will order and give him all his meds. Make sure the facility is secure in terms of a mechanical warning system, if he tries to walk out the door alone. Ask how much annual rent/care increases are. Also can he stay at that facility for hospice care, or does he need another facility. How much more for hospice care. Usually someone that owns a group of these smaller homes, offering different levels of care at each home, is preferred.

If I can answer any questions, PM me.

Well, since he's not eating he won't last five years. Dementia is present.

So far, every home in Fremont i've seen is essentially a madhouse. So far, the live-in help we've seen have been buffoons.

I think we have a way forward. I feel awful but he's the one dying.

They will give him pills to make him eat.

Take his favorite chair, his chest of drawers, bed, TV, and nightstands to the new place. He needs familiar things around him.

Even if they offer to take "Pepper" in, don't do it. They really hate caring for patients pets. She would suffer.

Phone some docs specializing in geriatrics, and ask the receptionist to recommend some places.

Things as I understand it today:

Kitty is mine. She's integrated well into my house. Dad hated kitty anyway.

He is not so far gone that he cannot do his own pills. I keep an eye on this to verify he's keeping up, and can do the pharmacy runs to get more of what he needs.
Only one pill actually, something to do with emphysema, which is primarily his issue.

Gives me an idea...perhaps getting him an oxygen tank will somehow give him more energy? He's had them before but rejected them. That was some time ago.

He is not going into a care facility if we can help it. If we do have to go that route, i'll see what I can do about familiarity.

Thanks for the advice.

With my dad we did in home care, but he went very quickly, two weeks. My aunt (my mom's sister) has been with us for 12 years, the decline in her abilities has increased dramatically, but there are two of us, plus the grandkids. The grandkids aren't old enough to care for her, but do keep an eye on her as well giving her good personal interaction.

Our family has never thought much of putting family members into care facilities, everything is done to keep family at home.

In the emergency room. Dad today was laying on his own feces being combative about cleaning it up. So it starts. Heart rate 180.

The fun part is the strain on the one son (or daughter) who lives closest, and is solely responsible for him. Guaranteed to test the most formidable sibling relationship.

I'm only speaking for dementia care. If you can afford to place him in a facility close to you, do it. If you can't afford it, everyday gets progressively worse for dementia patients. You, the caregiver, will age rapidly, as you're already witnessing.